Category: Mental Health Awarness

Fight to Live

When all you’ve done is fight to stay alive, what left is there to do? When the world feels against you, You rise above to prove them wrong. What happens when you’ve fought your entire life, but you can’t tell if you’re stronger or numb now? If you can’t recognize defeat, you should be lucky. For those of us still fighting, we defeat ourselves everyday. So, what is? I’m stronger because of things I have been through, but I’m tired. The fight has left, so now I’m just numb I guess.

For some you can learn and teach what you know, but how to figure out what’s next when you have exasperated all healthy distractions to help to cope or when you fall into that spiral, you’ve done everything in your possibility to pull yourself out.. but you keep falling…. what’s next?

You choose to continue to fight, because we all have to die at some point but not today, not this way. This is not our defeat, because we all have that one thing we must do.. so my job for now is to live. Live for the ones who didn’t get to live to see a full life, or the ones who lost the fight you are battling. It’s okay to claim small defeats, but you need to continue for a big victory.

So.. what’s next? Talk about it. Every chance you get. Talk about it. It’s okay to be alone, it’s okay to deal with your pain. It’s okay not to be okay! Not everyone has a perfect life, they may not understand completely or remotely close. However, maybe they have something to say to. Maybe.. just maybe that is what pulls you out of the spiral. Or. Theirs.

Whenever you get a chance, find someone who understands and just talk about it. Because that small moment, that moment of understand. The truth is a win.

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Topic of the Day! Research and get to know about this.. because if you know someone who suffers from it.. the knowledge of knowing is the first step to understanding why they are the way they are.

Borderline personality disorderAlso called: BPD, emotional dysregulation disorder.

Main Results

Requires a medical diagnosis. Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships.

People may experience:Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraintMood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadnessPsychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissismAlso common: thoughts of suicide

As described from NIMH.GOV

Risk Factors

The cause of borderline personality disorder is not yet clear, but research suggests that genetics, brain structure and function, and environmental, cultural, and social factors play a role, or may increase the risk for developing borderline personality disorder.

  • Family History. People who have a close family member, such as a parent or sibling with the disorder may be at higher risk of developing borderline personality disorder.
  • Brain Factors. Studies show that people with borderline personality disorder can have structural and functional changes in the brain especially in the areas that control impulses and emotional regulation. But is it not clear whether these changes are risk factors for the disorder, or caused by the disorder.
  • Environmental, Cultural, and Social Factors. Many people with borderline personality disorder report experiencing traumatic life events, such as abuse, abandonment, or adversity during childhood. Others may have been exposed to unstable, invalidating relationships, and hostile conflicts.

Although these factors may increase a person’s risk, it does not mean that the person will develop borderline personality disorder. Likewise, there may be people without these risk factors who will develop borderline personality disorder in their lifetime.

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High/Low

How do you keep the energy alive when the Manic Episode depletes? I need to know, because I’ve tried everything to keep this going. The fall is so bad, when the highs are high.

I was recently told what an FP(favorite person medical term) was and why I cling so much to that ONE person. They’ve never hurt me, but when I m not given the attention or the love I need.. I feel abandoned, not good enough, I push them away and question their motives for even talking to me. “Why would anyone love me when I cannot love myself? That’s absurd.”

When I’m riding that Manic High, I feel so unstoppable. I forget that I need to take my meds for two doses today. Why, because I’m not thinking. Then my FP calls and I’m clung to him/her. The convo doesn’t go as I hope, or something was misunderstood. Back down I go! How do I prevent a self sabotage event before the mania is gone, because once I fall I’m dragging my FP with me. Not even intentionally, at all!

Call your friends, talk to your mom.. get someone who understands to talk you down from the sabotage. Your FP may be able to help, if they understand that is. Talk, always. Because they may be able to help you stumble out of the fall, back in to the high you wanted to stay floating on.

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Self Sabotage

Self sabotage baby! What’s wrong with me yall? I single-handedly will ruin every relationship. Yepp, you heard it. I am a self sabatoger and I will not make loving me easy. Why? Someone or people have told me I wasn’t worth it, or Worthy of uncontiondional love. My brain is now wired to notice patterns and automatically when things are going great we will search for a reason why we shouldn’t or can’t. Our minds are our worst enemy. We have convinced ourselves over years of abuse.. we will put ourselves back into the rut. No one believes youre crazy until they have been on the receiving end. It’s easier to point at them, call them crazy, because their illness isn’t visible. No one wants to ask, well what triggers you to do this? How can we change this way of tthinking? I pray they have enough patience for us. Because I promise you all we want is happiness.

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Disconcerting Feelings

The wrong side of the bed, definitely. 3 and a half hours of sleep, yepp. Anxiety, high asf. Postpartum, trying to win…

How am I dealing with it? I’m not. I’m avoiding it, to write this. I feel like this could be more productive. Realistically, I need to deal with whatever is causing my restless nights. Do we ever take our own advice? Hell nah. Why do smart people do dumb shit? Why will my brain not give me a moment of silence? Self Sabotage, with a dash of insecurities today my friends!

Wtf. Oh mannnn.. I need an adult today. But luckily.. for yall, I will continue to be productive! I’ve noticed my energy has been all over lately, and my BS has been at an all time Low/High(depending on which BS you are referring to).

Lol, that being said. What would you do in these moments? I usually clean. I’ll cook a meal for the family. Laundry, the never ending chore we avoid.. I won’t! Go for a walk, yeahhhh I’ll do it. Just like every day.. I do the things, but I’m still not okay. I talk. I talk A LOT.

Today, I talk in silent. My brain hurts, there’s toooooo many thoughts, words aren’t forming correctly, and my stutter is noticeable. Even more insecure. I just need.. silence within myself. So, I think today I will turn my phone on DO NOT DISTURB, enjoy the silence. Because I cannot continue to feel like this everyday. I have my purpose and I still feel like this.

I have some disconcerting feelings, I talk it out. Never, ever keep that shit to yourself. Do you have a trust buddy? A team of people who fucking get it? No? Hi, I’m Tibby and WE FUCKING GET IT! You don’t have to suffer alone, we can do it together while helping eachother.

I appreicate yall, thanks for being another purpose when I feel like I dont need one.

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#TiBbyHonest #LetsTalkAboutIt

Regardless of how you may feel, or what you are going through..  The conscious effort to avoid conflict while dealing with your inner demons(as I like to call them), is a step in the direction of self healing. Whether that works, is a different question.

Let’s face it.. you can’t control the actions or feelings of the ones you are trying to protect during your down. Usually, you try your best to warn them: “I’m emotionally unavailable and don’t want to take it out on you”, they turn around and disregard you. Immediately what you wanted to avoid, becomes the exact thing that happens.

What do you do now? Apologize. Always apologizing. We just want you to understand, it’s not you we are upset with.. It’s ourselves! We hate that we need reassurance constantly and validation our feelings are heard. Sometimes we just need space to feel. Or, Not at all. Silence for ourselves, to process the right thoughts and not the insecurities others have placed in our broken minds. A breather.. to breathe.

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Apologize

Regardless of how you may feel, or what you are going through..  The conscious effort to avoid conflict while dealing with your inner demons(as I like to call them), is a step in the direction of self healing. Whether that works, is a different question.

Let’s face it.. you can’t control the actions or feelings of the ones you are trying to protect during your down. Usually, you try your best to warn them: “I’m emotionally unavailable and don’t want to take it out on you”, they turn around and disregard you. Immediately what you wanted to avoid, becomes the exact thing that happens.

What do you do now? Apologize. Always apologizing. We just want you to understand, it’s not you we are upset with.. It’s ourselves! We hate that we need reassurance constantly and validation our feelings are heard. Sometimes we just need space to feel. Or, Not at all. Silence for ourselves, to process the right thoughts and not the insecurities others have placed in our broken minds. A breather.. to breathe.

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Accountability

Self Sabotage


What is self sabotage?


Behaviors or thought
patterns that hold you back
and prevent you from doing
What you want to

Procrastionation
Drug Alcohol dependancy
Comfort Eating Disorders
Self Harm and OCD

These are just some ways we find how to deal with the constant battle within ourselves, to normalize/steady the thought process and bring comfort to ourselves outside of our dysfunction.

People aren’t always aware that they are sabotaging themselves. Some indivichuals
struggle with powerful And painful forces tempting them to self sabatoge – costing them
their health and relationships. An accumulation of dysfunctional and
distorted beliefs lead them to let and underestimate their capabilities,
suppress their feelings or lash out on those around
Long-term self sabotage, beginning during traumatic experience from childhood or throughout time an accumulation at traumatic events : It can be difficult
to self identify You don’t have to self-defeat if you Just talk, listen or
learn.

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