Tag: #TiBbyHonest #LetsTalkAboutIt #MentalHealthAwareness
Struggling with Abandonment
Constantly living in fear of what can happen, will ruin what is happening. I know this too well. Because I’m doing it.
Abandonment Issues, heard the term? It typically happens when a caregiver or parent doesn’t give the child enough attention or attentive behaviors the child needs. Traumatized by life, or the things people have done to them.. tricky thing is, over time the child turns to an adult, having learned these patterns of how their caregivers “lack of” has always been. While in romantic or platonic relationships, when the same patterns arise they automatically recognize, the overwhelming anxiety and fear sets in. These people may also exhibit behaviors that push people to leave so they’re never surprised by the loss.
Many who suffer with this issue often find themselves fearing real intimacy, cycling through relationships in order to avoid heartache. When they find someone, the sometimes become irrational, self sabotaging themselves to leave. Many find themselves staying in unhealthy relationships simply because they don’t want to be alone. Last but not least, WE NEED CONSTANT REASSURANCE.
Everyone has or will leave. That’s how it’s always been. Unfortunately, there’s no cure for this. It’s a form of overwhelming anxiety. You either learn who to hold on to and who to let go. I wish it was as easy as just trusting your words, but when actions follow.. we learn, we “wall up” push you to leave, or we leave. It’s not simple or easy for anyone involved. It takes Trust, Communication, and Actions.
“I give anyone a chance, but once you come at me left, then my perception of you has changed for life. Because You didn’t have to do me like you did. And you know I’m 100. But you did that.” -Kevin Gates
Postpartum Trigger ⚠️
Dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to handle. This coming from the 30 something year old PTSD ridden, recovering addict. I never thought I could feel so defeated, but driven to survive. Before I would have tried to throw in the towel. I haven’t relapsed either. The thoughts are there. I’m battling something so unfamiliar, fighting so hard everyday. Having a baby brought back unwanted feelings and memories, that never effected me before.
I have to say, with every depressive moment there comes a Manic day where I accomplish more than I imagined. Reason for this, I study and put my studies into actions. I don’t read for my health, but I do. Without the knowledge I’m teaching myself, to handle these episodes, I wouldn’t be able to come on and write. Fighting to survive an invisible enemy, no one understands, is definitely a subject I need to focus on. Knowledge is all I have and the teachings of those before me or with me.
I need to find peace and love within myself again, so I can beat every episode efficiently. Without the proper tools, I’ll just keep fighting and ill never start living for happiness. It’s not a dream, it’s a goal I have set for myself for my future. My actions henceforth must provide accomplishments toward this goal. If you know someone battling these invisible diseases, just show support. The more you know…
Some tips for those supporting the mother’s, make it about her again.
She needs to know she is loved and cared for. Appreciated on every level. Caring. Growing. Nurturing… all the things, need to be recognized. Without her this wasn’t possible!
Stop trying to fix her, and just help. That’s it.
Offer to go with her to appointments, take responsibility for the things she has to do. Ask the doctors questions. Show Initiative!
Stop asking what you can do, and just do it. Dishes piled up, wash them. Laundry gathered, wash it. It’s not hard to please women. Basic things like chores around the house. Cooking dinner. Ordering flowers for no reason.
Celebrate her success, she needs the reassurance her life matters. Even if it’s only as simple as figuring out how to reprogram a remote.
Look outward for your own support, close relative or friend of hers. Looking out for her can take its toll on you.
Postpartum support comes in many forms. Just ask for help. For the both of you. You’ll need it.. because this sneaky condition that effects mother’s after childbirth. Taking its toll on her, baby and others. Overwhelming and isolating, don’t be ashamed. Be there without judgment. These feelings are simply out of our control.
Listening Ears
For the love of everything holy, please do not try to “one-up” someone’s mental health. Everyone has something going on, and this isn’t a dick measuring contest!
We need to be understanding! Use your listening ears. Explain why you understand with a similar story or a shared feeling. But never say, I’ve been through worse. Or, that’s nothing in comparison. Fuck you dude.
What happened to compassion and empathy, Shit even, sympathy?! Where did we forget what was instilled on our child minds to love everyone no matter who or what? I’m asking a lot of questions because, I’d like to figure out at what age do we just stop sharing. Some may never learn these simple human edicts, morally speaking.
Can we relearn this? Yes! Listen, share, understand. How can you go around pretending you know everything, when you may never have been where they stood? Step back.
Stop competing like this world has told us we have to, to succeed. Successful individuals aren’t alone, they have support. Love thy neighbor, or whatever the Bible says. If you water only your grass, you will stand out and be envied. Water yours and your neighbors grass, the love will be overwhelming. To succeed is to grow, so why not grow together?
Compartmentalization
What is compartmentalization? As defined online: diving into sections or categories; is a subconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, on the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person having conflicting values, cognition, emotions, beliefs, etc., with themselves.
Compartmentalization is just your brain allowing both ideas to coexist within your pyschie. Basically causing internal direct and explicitly acknowledgement and interaction between separate self states.
These people who suffer with BPD divide people into Good and Bad to avoid conflicts. Removing the compartments. They use Denial or indifference to protect against any indication of contractors evidence.
Using indifference towards a better viewpoint is “normal” but for someone use to using multiple compartments ideals. Having had to modify to be uncomfortable, at the risk of being found incorrect can cause double standards and bias.
Conflicting social identities may be dealt with compartmentalize them and dealing with each only in a context dependent way.
Confirmation Bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor and recall information, ina way that confirms or supports one’s prior beliefs or Values.
Context dependency is tired along with memory targets; the context can therefore cue memories containing that contextual information.
As I deep dive into this subject to better understand myself, I find that the more you dive, the more complex the information received is. I will continue to provide information on the subjects I choose to study, below is a website I have been reading from.
Affective Compartmentalization VS. Destructive Compartmentalization
DONATIONS ALWAYS HELP
Fight to Live
When all you’ve done is fight to stay alive, what left is there to do? When the world feels against you, You rise above to prove them wrong. What happens when you’ve fought your entire life, but you can’t tell if you’re stronger or numb now? If you can’t recognize defeat, you should be lucky. For those of us still fighting, we defeat ourselves everyday. So, what is? I’m stronger because of things I have been through, but I’m tired. The fight has left, so now I’m just numb I guess.
For some you can learn and teach what you know, but how to figure out what’s next when you have exasperated all healthy distractions to help to cope or when you fall into that spiral, you’ve done everything in your possibility to pull yourself out.. but you keep falling…. what’s next?
You choose to continue to fight, because we all have to die at some point but not today, not this way. This is not our defeat, because we all have that one thing we must do.. so my job for now is to live. Live for the ones who didn’t get to live to see a full life, or the ones who lost the fight you are battling. It’s okay to claim small defeats, but you need to continue for a big victory.
So.. what’s next? Talk about it. Every chance you get. Talk about it. It’s okay to be alone, it’s okay to deal with your pain. It’s okay not to be okay! Not everyone has a perfect life, they may not understand completely or remotely close. However, maybe they have something to say to. Maybe.. just maybe that is what pulls you out of the spiral. Or. Theirs.
Whenever you get a chance, find someone who understands and just talk about it. Because that small moment, that moment of understand. The truth is a win.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Topic of the Day! Research and get to know about this.. because if you know someone who suffers from it.. the knowledge of knowing is the first step to understanding why they are the way they are.
Borderline personality disorderAlso called: BPD, emotional dysregulation disorder.
Main Results
Requires a medical diagnosis. Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships.
People may experience:Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraintMood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadnessPsychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissismAlso common: thoughts of suicide
As described from NIMH.GOV
Risk Factors
The cause of borderline personality disorder is not yet clear, but research suggests that genetics, brain structure and function, and environmental, cultural, and social factors play a role, or may increase the risk for developing borderline personality disorder.
- Family History. People who have a close family member, such as a parent or sibling with the disorder may be at higher risk of developing borderline personality disorder.
- Brain Factors. Studies show that people with borderline personality disorder can have structural and functional changes in the brain especially in the areas that control impulses and emotional regulation. But is it not clear whether these changes are risk factors for the disorder, or caused by the disorder.
- Environmental, Cultural, and Social Factors. Many people with borderline personality disorder report experiencing traumatic life events, such as abuse, abandonment, or adversity during childhood. Others may have been exposed to unstable, invalidating relationships, and hostile conflicts.
Although these factors may increase a person’s risk, it does not mean that the person will develop borderline personality disorder. Likewise, there may be people without these risk factors who will develop borderline personality disorder in their lifetime.
High/Low
How do you keep the energy alive when the Manic Episode depletes? I need to know, because I’ve tried everything to keep this going. The fall is so bad, when the highs are high.
I was recently told what an FP(favorite person medical term) was and why I cling so much to that ONE person. They’ve never hurt me, but when I m not given the attention or the love I need.. I feel abandoned, not good enough, I push them away and question their motives for even talking to me. “Why would anyone love me when I cannot love myself? That’s absurd.”
When I’m riding that Manic High, I feel so unstoppable. I forget that I need to take my meds for two doses today. Why, because I’m not thinking. Then my FP calls and I’m clung to him/her. The convo doesn’t go as I hope, or something was misunderstood. Back down I go! How do I prevent a self sabotage event before the mania is gone, because once I fall I’m dragging my FP with me. Not even intentionally, at all!
Call your friends, talk to your mom.. get someone who understands to talk you down from the sabotage. Your FP may be able to help, if they understand that is. Talk, always. Because they may be able to help you stumble out of the fall, back in to the high you wanted to stay floating on.
8 Years Ago
Self Sabotage
Self sabotage baby! What’s wrong with me yall? I single-handedly will ruin every relationship. Yepp, you heard it. I am a self sabatoger and I will not make loving me easy. Why? Someone or people have told me I wasn’t worth it, or Worthy of uncontiondional love. My brain is now wired to notice patterns and automatically when things are going great we will search for a reason why we shouldn’t or can’t. Our minds are our worst enemy. We have convinced ourselves over years of abuse.. we will put ourselves back into the rut. No one believes youre crazy until they have been on the receiving end. It’s easier to point at them, call them crazy, because their illness isn’t visible. No one wants to ask, well what triggers you to do this? How can we change this way of tthinking? I pray they have enough patience for us. Because I promise you all we want is happiness.
Disconcerting Feelings
The wrong side of the bed, definitely. 3 and a half hours of sleep, yepp. Anxiety, high asf. Postpartum, trying to win…
How am I dealing with it? I’m not. I’m avoiding it, to write this. I feel like this could be more productive. Realistically, I need to deal with whatever is causing my restless nights. Do we ever take our own advice? Hell nah. Why do smart people do dumb shit? Why will my brain not give me a moment of silence? Self Sabotage, with a dash of insecurities today my friends!
Wtf. Oh mannnn.. I need an adult today. But luckily.. for yall, I will continue to be productive! I’ve noticed my energy has been all over lately, and my BS has been at an all time Low/High(depending on which BS you are referring to).
Lol, that being said. What would you do in these moments? I usually clean. I’ll cook a meal for the family. Laundry, the never ending chore we avoid.. I won’t! Go for a walk, yeahhhh I’ll do it. Just like every day.. I do the things, but I’m still not okay. I talk. I talk A LOT.
Today, I talk in silent. My brain hurts, there’s toooooo many thoughts, words aren’t forming correctly, and my stutter is noticeable. Even more insecure. I just need.. silence within myself. So, I think today I will turn my phone on DO NOT DISTURB, enjoy the silence. Because I cannot continue to feel like this everyday. I have my purpose and I still feel like this.
I have some disconcerting feelings, I talk it out. Never, ever keep that shit to yourself. Do you have a trust buddy? A team of people who fucking get it? No? Hi, I’m Tibby and WE FUCKING GET IT! You don’t have to suffer alone, we can do it together while helping eachother.
I appreicate yall, thanks for being another purpose when I feel like I dont need one.
#TiBbyHonest #LetsTalkAboutIt
Regardless of how you may feel, or what you are going through.. The conscious effort to avoid conflict while dealing with your inner demons(as I like to call them), is a step in the direction of self healing. Whether that works, is a different question.
Let’s face it.. you can’t control the actions or feelings of the ones you are trying to protect during your down. Usually, you try your best to warn them: “I’m emotionally unavailable and don’t want to take it out on you”, they turn around and disregard you. Immediately what you wanted to avoid, becomes the exact thing that happens.
What do you do now? Apologize. Always apologizing. We just want you to understand, it’s not you we are upset with.. It’s ourselves! We hate that we need reassurance constantly and validation our feelings are heard. Sometimes we just need space to feel. Or, Not at all. Silence for ourselves, to process the right thoughts and not the insecurities others have placed in our broken minds. A breather.. to breathe.
Apologize
Regardless of how you may feel, or what you are going through.. The conscious effort to avoid conflict while dealing with your inner demons(as I like to call them), is a step in the direction of self healing. Whether that works, is a different question.
Let’s face it.. you can’t control the actions or feelings of the ones you are trying to protect during your down. Usually, you try your best to warn them: “I’m emotionally unavailable and don’t want to take it out on you”, they turn around and disregard you. Immediately what you wanted to avoid, becomes the exact thing that happens.
What do you do now? Apologize. Always apologizing. We just want you to understand, it’s not you we are upset with.. It’s ourselves! We hate that we need reassurance constantly and validation our feelings are heard. Sometimes we just need space to feel. Or, Not at all. Silence for ourselves, to process the right thoughts and not the insecurities others have placed in our broken minds. A breather.. to breathe.
Accountability
Self Sabotage
What is self sabotage?
Behaviors or thought
patterns that hold you back
and prevent you from doing
What you want to
Procrastionation
Drug Alcohol dependancy
Comfort Eating Disorders
Self Harm and OCD
These are just some ways we find how to deal with the constant battle within ourselves, to normalize/steady the thought process and bring comfort to ourselves outside of our dysfunction.
People aren’t always aware that they are sabotaging themselves. Some indivichuals
struggle with powerful And painful forces tempting them to self sabatoge – costing them
their health and relationships. An accumulation of dysfunctional and
distorted beliefs lead them to let and underestimate their capabilities,
suppress their feelings or lash out on those around
Long-term self sabotage, beginning during traumatic experience from childhood or throughout time an accumulation at traumatic events : It can be difficult
to self identify You don’t have to self-defeat if you Just talk, listen or
learn.
Dark Tales of Understanding 